Small town girl living in the big city.

So, here’s the thing, I’ve learned recently how easy it can be to get caught up in being someone you’re not. I’m going to start by saying that I have nothing against the people who began to influence me or the things that they were doing. It just wasn’t me.  It wasn’t who I am.

Like most things in my life lately, it started with the wedding. I was talking with some of my friends about it and the planning and of course the subject of hair and make up came up. They asked if I was going to get hair and eyelash extensions. I’d never really thought about it before. I’d just barley started to realize how full and luscious hair extensions could make your hair look. My sister-in-law always has fake eyelashes, so I’d seen hers lots of times and they look great, but it wasn’t something I’d ever considered for myself. On top of hair and makeup, the topic of spray tans came up. Specifically, contouring spray tans. If you’re like I was and don’t know what that is, they basically spray you to make you look skinny and toned. Magic, right?

I began to really think about doing those things. Every girl wants to look flawless on her wedding day! And I knew those were things that could help with that. On the other hand, I also thought about waking up next to my husband for the first time. We’d been on trips and camping and things like that together, so he definitely already knows what I look like first thing in the morning when I wake up, but that’s not the same. I mentioned to my friends that I wanted my husband to actually see me when we woke up, and one of the girls said, “Not me! I’m going to be as fake as possible, and I’m going to look sexy!”

So I kept thinking about it. I couldn’t quite let it go. So I thought maybe I’d try it out. I asked my sister-in-law if she would do my makeup for me. She does an AMAZING job and always looks flawless. I still wasn’t sure if I’d want her style of makeup on my wedding day, but we decided to do a test run. And I did look good. I had no doubt that my skin would look flawless in every picture that was taken that day. But every time I looked in the mirror, I had a hard time recognizing the girl looking back at me. I couldn’t see past the makeup. My husband, sweet guy that he is, just kept saying, “It looks good. It’s different, but it looks good.” He tries to not sway me by his opinions. By the end of the day, my mind was made up. I didn’t want to look or feel like someone else on my wedding day. I didn’t want to look like someone else and not recognize myself in my wedding pictures.

It may sound like a simple thing, but during the few weeks that all of this was happening, I found myself caught up in a world of expensive makeup (which actually is really amazing. I still love and fully support it), extensions, and basically things that are just... fake. Again, totally not judging people who like those things. I fully support women doing whatever they want to feel good about themselves. It just wasn’t me. But because it felt like everyone around cared so much about those things, I began to understand how people can change who they are to fit in with the people around them. I felt pressured to do things I never thought I would care about. And in reality, as soon as I stopped caring about what other people would think of me, I really didn’t care about extensions and contouring spray tans at all!

At the end of the day, all I cared about was my fiancé. And that we would soon finally be married. I have always known that he loves me for me. It just took me some time to realize that me was who he wanted to marry. I didn’t need to become someone else just to look flawless for our wedding day. He loves me and we were getting married. That’s all that mattered. And the best part was, I felt like me on my wedding day. I looked like me. 

And this guy became mine for the rest of forever. Isn't he handsome? I sure think so :)

So, if you find yourself living in a new place surrounded by new people, always remember who you are. Don’t be afraid to just be yourself. You don’t always have to care about the things that the people you care about do. And if you find that you are losing yourself to the people or the things around you, in my experience, nothing will help you find yourself again better than the people you love and a trip home.